mouse_rants

i used to do a set of floor exercises in the mornings.  lately i've been trying to get back into doing that.  it's hard for all the usual reasons:  lack of time, lack of space, lack of enthusiasm.  and now there is presence of kittens..

it was hard enough when tiger jennie lived with me.  she would sit and watch for a few minutes with an expression of sheer disbelief on her face and then flee, returning just in time to demonstrate how stretching is _supposed_ to look.  the kittens also view my exercises with some alarm - i am particularly touched by the look of concern on their little faces as they gingerly sniff my inert form while i rest between exercises.  but bless their fuzzy little hearts, they do like to be involved with whatever i do.  so we have come up with a few modifications.

1.  lunge & dodge:  stand with feet approximately shoulder-width apart.  pick up right foot and attempt to set it on a cat-free portion of the floor approximately 30 inches in front of you.  lower body so forward knee reaches angle of 90 degrees, attempting not to kneel on cats with rear knee.  rise, return to initial position and repeat (note:  cat-free portions of floor will have moved).

2.  leg lift with intent:  sit on a chair with thighs parallel to floor.  slowly raise one foot until leg is straight, attempting in process to hook foot underneath whichever cat is in the way.  note:  points are deducted for kicking cat in the head (even if they _did_ walk into it).

3.  syncopated chest fly:  lie on back, knees bent, with dumbbell in each hand.  start with elbows slightly bent, hands together in the air. without bending elbows further, lower weights to sides, stopping as necessary to allow progress of cats. 

4.  semi-pushups:  start with body straight, supported by straight arms.  keeping body straight, lower until you just make contact with whichever cat has crawled underneath you, then straighten arms.
    alternative:  pushups with hair pull:  attempt to perform normal pushups while ignoring cat attacking your hair.

5.  situps with objections:  objections registered by cat swiping at your elbow as it goes past her.

6.  weighted towel-fold:  pick up towel you have been exercising on with attached cats;  attempt to fold it without unhooking claws.

well, they say laughing burns calories too, and it sure gives your belly muscles a workout...

so i'm on a diet, which is for the _good_ of my wretched body, and it's not like i'm feeding it bad things or depriving it, really, it gets a nice healthy balanced diet of nutritious tasty food, and what does it do? it craves Bad Things. bad fatty salty high-calorie things. and then it gets all limp and low-blood-sugary, so i have to give in and feed it and then i don't lose weight. stupid body.

IS THIS THE THANKS I GET, AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU??